The Watch

Not rated yet!
Director
Akiva Schaffer
Runtime
1 h 38 min
Release Date
26 July 2012
Genres
Comedy
Overview
Four everyday suburban guys come together as an excuse to escape their humdrum lives one night a week. But when they accidentally discover that their town has become overrun with aliens posing as ordinary suburbanites, they have no choice but to save their neighborhood - and the world - from total extermination.
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Debbie Schlussel1
The New York Post



(Reviewers' Site/Bio)

  • Wknd Box Office: Step Up Revolution, The Watch, Trishna
    Blog Posts Movie Reviews Step Up Revolution“: This is the latest–I think the fourth installment–of the “Step Up” movies. You don’t have to see any of the others to know what’s going on in this one. In fact, most of them are independent of each other in cast and, um, “plot” (if you can call it that). This ridiculous movie had the same old, tired, hackneyed standby left-wing Hollywood narrative: evil, White, wealthy capitalist businessman wants to buy up the indigenous people’s slums and kick them out for a development. In this case, the White dude is a hotel magnate from Connecticut (Peter Gallagher) who just bought Miami’s Dimont Hotel (really, Miami Beach’s Eden Roc Hotel, a terrific hotel at which I used to stay often with my family for Passover, and later on business; it’s got the greatest hotel gym I’ve ever seen–loved working out, there). He’s buying up a decayed strip of land occupied by Cubans’ businesses, including a bar, so that he can evict them and develop the land into skyscrapers and shopping. But his daughter, an aspiring dancer, joins a group of the Cubans and their friends in a flash mob, called “The Mob,” who mob streets, restaurants, museums, and other places with cool dance routines, which they videotape and post on YouTube in an online contest to win money and fame. They are also using “The Mob” to fight the developer and his zoning bid to develop the land. // I’m long past tired of “flash mobs.” They’re silly, and I wouldn’t want my commute to a meeting or my restaurant business sabotaged by a group of selfish kids whose quest for fame and YouTube notoriety is more important than the rest of us conducting our lives with some semblance of order. This movie glorifies that selfishness and disruption. Also, I doubt highly that, after the first flash mob scene in the movie–in which the dancers block traffic at an entire intersection for a good deal of time, the FBI or local police wouldn’t subpoena the IP address of the video’s owner from YouTube and immediately arrest “The Mob.” It’s not like they wore masks to conceal their identities. I was also surprised that producers didn’t pull one of the scenes, in which “The Mob” invades the “evil” developers’ cocktail party, dressed in all black with gas masks, dropping gas canisters on the ground, similar to the Batman shooter’s behavior at last Friday’s “Dark Man Rises” massacre. That was eerie. While the movie had some cool dancing (if you are under 40 and like urban-style, hip-hop-esque movements and music), overall the movie is a warmed over headache and a waste of time. Silly describes it best. TWO MARXES ]]>
    ...
    (Review Source)

Plugged In1
Focus on the Family



(Reviewers' Site/Bio)

  • The Watch
    ComedySci-Fi/FantasyAction/Adventure We hope this review was both interesting and useful. Please share it with family and friends who would benefit from it as well.Movie ReviewGlenview's a nice enough place. Or it was … you know, before the aliens came. It's a lovely little Ohio town, really—east of Mayberry and north of Normalburg and bursting with manicured lawns, recently painted houses, friendly neighbors, etc. Sure, maybe you'd lock your door at night (this is the 21st century, after all), but you'd more than likely skip the double bolt. And if you drove past a couple of teens loitering on a street corner, you wouldn't immediately assume "drug deal." But after police find a Costco security guard murdered— stripped of his skin—well, suddenly, Glenview doesn't seem like such an idyllic hamlet after all. Evan, the Costco manager and a good friend of the deceased, is sick about the death, and even sicker that his beloved town would be so sullied. "Tonight my tears have turned to fists!" He tells a stadium full of people. He announces he's creating a neighborhood watch in the hopes of catching the killer. Alas, the applicants for Evan's watch are less than impressive. Bob's more concerned with hangin' with the guys (and keeping his teenage daughter in line) than patrolling the 'hood. Franklin, rejected by the Glenview police, hopes that Evan's club (or, as he says, "vigilante squad, militia, whatever") might give him the opportunity to crack a few skulls. And for Jamarcus, the Watch is more an opportunity to fulfill a sexual fantasy or two than apprehend any criminals. Evan decides he can't be choosy. And the four begin patrolling Glenview, gleefully hoping to catch the killer—or at least have a few laughs. Then they start seeing green goo pop up here and there, and they find a strange, bowling ball-like weapon. Some of them start wondering whether they should stop watching the streets and turn their attention toward the skies.Positive ElementsFor a film that predicates its comedy on, in part, the murder and mutilation of innocent Ohioans, The Watch gives us some surprisingly positive messages. Bob, for instance, is more than just a drink-downing, swear-happy fun fiend: He's also a father, and he's concerned that his daughter's getting a little too serious with her beau. Chelsea—the teen in question—naturally thinks her dad's being overprotective. She rolls her eyes when he tells her that "sex is for love." But when her paramour begins forcing himself on her at a party, she's thrilled when her dad busts into the room and rescues her. Sure, their relationship leaves a lot to be desired. Yet it's clear that Bob loves and wants to protect his daughter, and Chelsea—in spite of her behavior sometimes—loves and listens to her dad. Evan would love to have a teenager to badger one day. But unfortunately he's sterile, and he hasn't found a way to tell Abby, his baby-loving wife, the bad news. Bob encourages his friend to just deal with the issue honestly and openly. And when Evan finally follows Bob's advice, Abby reacts as you'd hope a loving wife would: She's disappointed, but she'd rather they deal with the issue together, as a couple, without any secrets. She hugs him and says, "I want this"—meaning him, his honesty, their relationship—"more than anything." Later we see that the two have adopted a child. The four "watchers" form some pretty strong bonds—bonds that transcend big differences. And, by the bye, they also [semi-spoiler warning] save the world. Not bad for a quartet of part-time street patrollers.Spiritual ContentSexual ContentThe watchers stumble upon a neighborhood orgy. We see participants in various stages of undress (including a few topless women). Some wear S&M-inspired getups; one man is on a leash. Many are obviously engaged in sexual contact. Three men are shown (from the waist up) pleasuring one another. Several battery-powered sex toys are shown. A video of Chelsea and her boyfriend, Jason, making out in a closet shows up online. Bob sees the guy buy jumbo-sized condoms at Costco. At a party, Jason and Chelsea mimic a sex act before they head upstairs, where we see them kiss and make out on a bed. Chelsea tries to put the brakes on her amorous beau, but he refuses to stop. We watch his hand reach for the hem of her short dress before they're interrupted. Abby tries to seduce her husband by wearing his Watch jacket over lingerie. She spreads her legs and makes a crude verbal come-on—not realizing that Evan's pals are walking in the door too. Franklin gets an eyeful, and for the rest of the movie he makes whatever excuses he can to smooch (or try to smooch) Evan's wife. Evan and Abby talk about sex frequently (including which rooms in the house they'll have it in). Elsewhere, we hear crude descriptions of masturbation and sexual organs. There are multitudes of vulgar double entendres and raunchy references to sex acts, sexual performance and sexual fluids. Green alien blood is said to have the scent and consistency of semen. Jamarcus joins the Watch (at least in part) in the hopes of living out a fantasy in which an Asian housewife performs a sex act on him. He gets his wish, sort of. (The contact happens offscreen). We see girls dressed in bikinis. Evan's male neighbor appears to be attracted to him, complimenting him on his body and skin. Watch members dress an alien corpse in drag and pose for lewd, sexually imitative pictures. Bob also slow dances with the corpse, stroking its rear and pretending to French kiss the thing. The team considers dressing Franklin up like a girl to get information out of an old man. (They're all willing to take the risk of Franklin being sodomized for his efforts.) Evan massages another man's rear (to loosen him up for a run). The aliens' brains are literally located in their sexual organs, making their nether regions the most vulnerable part of their bodies. Several are shot in the crotch and one has his genitals ripped off by hand.Violent ContentThe Costco guard is dispatched in a splatter of blood. Another victim is found with his chest ripped open and hollowed out. An alien kills a man by thrusting his talon-heavy hand and arm through the human's back and chest, so forcefully that the appendage protrudes out the front. A policeman's chest is shredded (though the officer survives the attack). Humans are thrown around like rag dolls. One alien is shot about 30 times—the resulting corpse receiving several slugs to the head and midsection well after its expiration. Several others die after being shot in the groin. Evan accidentally hits an alien with his car, and he finds pieces of the extraterrestrial wedged in the grill. (Not knowing what the meat might be, Watchers speculate that it's part of an octopus.) Many, many aliens bleed green goop everywhere. One cuts open his own hand. The Watchers discover an otherworldly weapon that vaporizes anything in its beam. They realize the weapon's power accidentally, when they obliterate a cow. Then they proceed to use the weapon on tractors, shacks, bales of hay and large retail stores. A man threatens the Watch with a shotgun. Teens pelt them with eggs. (Evan tackles one when he tries to run away.) Franklin carries a butterfly knife and hides a veritable armory of weapons under his mattress. He chokes someone at a football game. Bob is beaten badly by Chelsea's boyfriend, leaving his face a mess.Crude or Profane LanguageOne c-word, about 70 f-words and more than 40 s-words. We also hear "a‑‑," "b‑‑ch," "d‑‑n," "h‑‑‑," "p‑‑‑" and "p‑‑‑y." Add to that quite a lot of explicit rap music playing in the background, so for those who might say, "Well, 70 f-words is OK, but 71 is my limit," be warned.Drug and Alcohol ContentThe Costco guard drinks vodka, smokes a joint and raids his store's pharmacy for pills before he's attacked and killed. The four members of the Watch drink beer frequently—including in a minivan. (They're ticketed for having open containers of alcohol in the vehicle.) Some folks drink wine. Franklin admits to carrying a bag of marijuana. Teens are shown drinking at a party, and when Bob barges in, he speculates on the various things the youth might be using.Other Negative ElementsChelsea yells and curses at her dad, and Bob yells and curses right back. Franklin hollers at and berates his mother (though he apologizes afterwards, explaining that he was just trying to impress his friends). Bob urinates in a can, describing what he feels and how it's going in incredibly graphic detail. Franklin gets a face full of alien saliva.ConclusionThe Watch features an impressive cast of comedic actors, so it's a given that audiences will find moments of humor and heart here. But. Those moments are pretty rare, really—and certainly don't come close to making up for everything else we're asked to see and hear and contemplate. As someone said leaving the screening I attended, "That was just plain wrong." Pro-social ContentObjectionable ContentSummary AdvisoryPlot SummaryChristian BeliefsOther Belief SystemsAuthority RolesProfanity/ViolenceKissing/Sex/HomosexualityDiscussion TopicsAdditional Comments/NotesEpisode Reviews]]>
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    (Review Source)

Crosswalk1
Cross Walk



(Reviewers' Site/Bio)

  • The Laughs End Early in The Watch
    Movies DVD Release Date: November 13, 2012Theatrical Release Date: July 27, 2012Rating: R for some strong sexual content including references, pervasive language and violent imagesGenre: ComedyRun Time: 98 min.Director: Akiva SchafferCast: Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, Vince Vaughn, Richard Ayoade, Rosemarie DeWitt, Will Forte, Mel Rodriguez, Doug Jones, Erin Moriarty, Nicholas Braun, R. Lee Ermey, Joe Nunez You’d think a movie starring Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill would be a sure hit. They’ve been in their share of dud movies, but they remain appealing performers who, when good (Stiller in Tropic Thunder, Vaughn in Swingers, Hill in Moneyball), are very good. Unfortunately, The Watch is not good. But that doesn’t mean The Watch has no laughs. It does have a few, although the jokes that land are the exception amid far too many unsuccessful attempts at humor by the filmmakers. Considering the talent involved, there should have been deeper, longer laughs than what The Watch offers up. Do-gooder Evan (Stiller) considers himself a friend to most everyone in his neighborhood, priding himself on knowing people of different races and ethnicities. However, his “friends” are little more than acquaintances, and his marriage is strained. Evan spends his days working at Costco and his evenings trying to figure out why he and his wife (Rosemarie DeWitt (Rachel Getting Married), in a wasted role) haven’t been able to start a family. When a Costco employee (Joe Nunez, Seven Pounds) dies a bloody death while working the night shift, Evan organizes a neighborhood watch to help track down the killer. Joining him are Bob (Vaughn), who’s mainly interested in getting out of the house once a week and having a drink with the fellas; Franklin (Hill), who lives with him mom and wonders why women “don’t see the magic that is me;” and Jamarcus (Richard Ayoade, Submarine), who’s preoccupied with sexual fantasies about the women he plans to protect under the auspices of the neighborhood watch group.SEE ALSO: Men in Black 3 a Pale Reminder of First Film googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('gpt-ad-1'); }); The killer, it turns out, isn’t human... it’s an alien. It’s like the producers decided humanity needed another alien flick and served up The Watch, a summer blockbuster wannabe. Remember Men in Black 3? That summer alien comedy opened so long ago, on May 25! And Prometheus was all the way back on June 8! It turns out that aliens—a whole army of them, although we initially see just one—are the best thing to happen to The Watch. For a moment, when the alien is first revealed, the film bristles with the excitement of the unexpected, a brief but giddy anticipation that we might be in for a seriously cool, special-effects-driven hybrid film that’s not quite a full-blown comedy, not quite a sci-fi spectacle. Something closer to The Hidden. But with Stiller, Vaughn and Hill on tap, it’s no surprise that the movie chooses comedy. That decision wouldn’t be difficult to justify had the film scored a sufficient number of laughs. Instead, the comic performers are reduced to reaction shots and surprised exclamations of “What the f--k?!” (or variations thereof) over and over again. If that’s your idea of a good time, then The Watch is the movie for you. The film’s finale revolves around activities in the home of Evan’s suspicious new neighbor. No, he’s not a murderer, but the host of a local orgy at which some of Evan’s friends choose to partake. The film culminates with a big battle between invading aliens and the vastly outnumbered neighborhood watch group. Guess who triumphs?SEE ALSO: Prometheus Offers Alternate Creation Story The Watch, which was co-written by another popular screen comedian, Seth Rogen, ends up more depressing than amusing. If this is the best that Rogen, Stiller, Vaughn and Hill can come up with, the future of movie comedy should be left to others. The aliens? They were actually pretty cool. Maybe next time, the aliens should write the film. Perhaps they have a higher-minded sense of humor. CAUTIONS: Language/Profanity: Lord’s name taken in vain; steady use of foul language throughout, including numerous uses of the “f”-word; explicit references to sex acts and to bodily fluids; a dad and his daughter cuss at each other Alcohol/Smoking/Drugs: Drinking and smoking; a character says he “has weed in [his] pocket” Sex/Nudity: Women in bikinis; a dad suspects his daughter is sleeping with a classmate, and he tells her, “Sex is for love”; a series of frat-boy style photos; an orgy includes several couples engaged in sex and implied masturbation; bare breasts; Evan’s wife engages in sexual role-playing; pornographic magazine covers; a man kisses a married woman Violence/Crime: Guns are brandished and fired; a guard is killed by an unseen alien, and we see blood splatter against a window; a man’s hollowed out corpse is shown; a character slices open his palm; a stash of guns is revealed; a heart is inserted back into a character’s body in hopes of resuscitation; a weapon causes huge explosions; a man is stabbed from behind by an alien Marriage: Evan’s marriage is strained by the couple’s inability to conceive  Questions? Comments? Contact the writer at [email protected]/* = 992 && gptClientWidth <= 1000000) googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('gpt-ad-3'); }); Publication date: July 27, 2012 ]]>
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    (Review Source)

Kyle Smith2
National Review



(Reviewers' Site/Bio)

  • Review: "The Watch"
    Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn play dorky Ohio dudes battling aliens in “The Watch.” My review is up.]]>
    ...
    (Review Source)
  • Thanks to ‘Pixels,’ it’s game over for Adam Sandler’s career
    (”The Watch” is briefly mentioned in this.)
    “Pixels” started off lazily enough, with nothing more on its mind than ripping off “Ghostbusters” with video game characters. But it stumbled onto an accomplishment truly awe-inspiring: It makes “Battleship” and “The Watch” look good. Hiding Adam Sandler’s participation on the poster of the film is understandable, but the studio should have taken the logical...
    ...
    (Review Source)

Michael Medved1



(Reviewers' Site/Bio)

  • The Watch
    ...
    (Review Source)

PJ Media Staff2
PJ Media



(Reviewers' Site/Bio)

  • 5 Actors with Careers That Are Collapsing
    (”The Watch” is briefly mentioned in this.)
    Lifestyle  Even in Hollywood, you have to deliver results if you want to remain employed. Every year stars fall off the A-list -- ask circa 2009 Nicolas Cage about that -- and find themselves in a shame spiral of B-movies, supporting roles, and eventually television (sorry, Robin Williams, who will be appearing in the CBS sitcom The Crazy Ones, and as the dad, no less). Who is about to fall off the top of the perch? var dataLayer = window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; dataLayer.push({ 'videoName': 'Magnolia - Trailer', 'videoType': 'Curated' }); 1. Tom CruiseThe success of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol less than two years ago gave his stock a bump, but apparently it was the stunts that were the star of that movie. In the three consecutive flops he’s made since -- Rock of Ages, Jack Reacher and the aptly-named Oblivion -- audiences didn’t even show up on opening weekend out of curiosity. Before Protocol, don’t forget, no one showed up for Knight and Day, Valkyrie or Lions for Lambs, either. Cruise is 51 years old, his boyish charm is finally gone, and he isn’t an action hero anymore. Audiences see him as their weird dad. He should give up on trying to rule the multiplex and start nosing around for more interesting roles like the one he had in Magnolia. Not that he’s fond of Paul Thomas Anderson anymore after Anderson made fun of scientology in The Master.Next up: Fighting aliens next summer in All You Need Is Kill. Sure. class="pages"> https://pjmedia.com/lifestyle/2014/4/5/5-actors-with-careers-that-are-collapsing/ previous Page 1 of 5 next   ]]>
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    (Review Source)
  • 5 Movie Stars Whose Careers Are in Trouble
    (”The Watch” is briefly mentioned in this.)
    Lifestyle Even in Hollywood, you have to deliver results if you want to remain employed. Every year stars fall off the A-list -- ask circa 2009 Nicolas Cage about that -- and find themselves in a shame spiral of B-movies, supporting roles, and eventually television (sorry, Robin Williams, who will be appearing in the CBS sitcom The Crazy Ones, and as the dad, no less). Who is about to fall off the top of the perch? var dataLayer = window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; dataLayer.push({ 'videoName': 'Magnolia - Trailer', 'videoType': 'Curated' }); 1. Tom CruiseThe success of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol less than two years ago gave his stock a bump, but apparently it was the stunts that were the star of that movie. In the three consecutive flops he’s made since -- Rock of Ages, Jack Reacher and the aptly-named Oblivion -- audiences didn’t even show up on opening weekend out of curiosity. Before Protocol, don’t forget, no one showed up for Knight and Day, Valkyrie or Lions for Lambs, either. Cruise is 51 years old, his boyish charm is finally gone, and he isn’t an action hero anymore. Audiences see him as their weird dad. He should give up on trying to rule the multiplex and start nosing around for more interesting roles like the one he had in Magnolia. Not that he’s fond of Paul Thomas Anderson anymore after Anderson made fun of scientology in The Master.Next up: Fighting aliens next summer in All You Need Is Kill. Sure. class="pages"> https://pjmedia.com/lifestyle/2013/7/12/5-movie-stars-whose-careers-are-in-trouble/ previous Page 1 of 5 next   ]]>
    ...
    (Review Source)

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